thwippersnapple (thwippersnapple) wrote in home_sickness,

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Homesick and just sick

My name is Jackie, I'm 22 years old and living out on my own for the first time in Florida. I was living in Ohio right outside of Cleveland in my parents home until about six months ago when I moved to Orlando to be with my fiance. I've always been EXTREMELY close to my family and not being able to be with them feels like I've cut off a part of me. I had one or two really close friends there and that was it because I have a really hard time making friends. I'm terrible with people. I got sick a little while ago and was up just about all night randomly bursting into tears because I just wanted to see my mom. My fiance is wonderful but he's very busy with school and I can't expect him to be able to fill all of my emotional needs. I knew that when I moved out. I told myself that it would make me stronger to be out on my own away from all my familiar people. That I would learn to be stronger and stand up for myself. It's not been happening. I'm withdrawing into myself and not connecting with anyone but my fiance. I don't go out very much because we're doing our best to save money since I'm the only one with a job right now. The school my fiance is in is way too unstable for him to be able to hold a job. It's a new semester every month. I've taken a break from college for him to go because i'm not sure what I want to major in, and he knows exactly what he wants to do. So i'm taking care of him while he's going then we're going to switch. I used to go out a lot with people and friends in Ohio but i'm living in a more dangerous neighborhood here and it makes me nervous to go out by myself. I still go out sometimes but I don't get half the physical activity that I did in Ohio, and i'm gaining a lot of weight. None of my hobbies are interesting to me anymore. Most of them I used to do because it was a pasttime I would share with my friends.

I went home in December for christmas. I really was looking forward to it, but being there made me realize that I wouldn't want to move back home. At least not into my parents house. It's just too stressful. I realized i'm more homesick for the people I was around than the location, but it still hurts the same. I feel completely isolated down in Florida and if it weren't for my fiance I think I would have gone nuts. I really want to succeed down here and thrive and I don't want to give up. I feel like i'd be failing myself, my family and my fiance. I don't know what I can do to get rid of this feeling other than just wait. But my sister is going to be leaving for the Navy soon and most of my friends have moved away from the area I was living in so even if I did try to move back home it wouldn't be the same. My chest feels really tight and I want to cry when I think about it. I'm anxious almost all the time and wake up in the middle of the night just feeling restless and anxious. I don't know what to do. I know I want things to get better and I want to be strong enough to stay down here and make the same kind of connections with people that I was able to make up north.. but I don't know anywhere in the area where I could go out and meet people. I'm not into the club scene or the music scene really.

Lj cut so it doesn't eat up anyones friend page
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