airforcekid09 (airforcekid09) wrote in home_sickness,
airforcekid09
airforcekid09
home_sickness

Homesick

Homesick

Well right now its 1135pm and curfew was well at 11. I got back today from my exodus break around 650ish.
The drive over here was horrible, I had so many things on my mind I'm suprised I didn't get in a wreck. I mean
I was driving and my mind was just hypnotized by the road and I was just thinking about past events in my life.
As soon as I got here, I was already missing home. I laid my things on the ground, and started to unpack. As I
began to put my clothes away, I was renacting my mom welcoming me home when I first arrived. Then my grandma came, and
shortly afterwards my dad came and by the look of his eyes I can tell he was really happy to see me. Before I joined
The Air Force I treated my parents like crap, my dad the most. He did everything for me. Gave me everything I ever wanted
and worked hard to make sure I got it. The only thing he asked in return was just to love him. But I never did, I treated
him like nothing. I took him for granted. I love him and I'm very thankful for everything he did. I just wish I can be
in my room again and him coming in saying in his beaner accent, "Wassup baby!" and giving me a handshake. Even tho It seemed
like I hated it, I didn't. I also really miss opening the door EVERY time my mom came home from work. Always saying, "Hi
mijo! How was your day?" or "Watcha doin' boy?", once in awhile she would be on the phone. And after all that quick greetings
I would lock my self in my room playing games on the computer or xbox. The only time I would go out of my room was just to
eat, ask for money, or ask for permission to go somewhere. And yet, they let me go out and gave me money. Hell, I did the same
thing when I was in exodus. Yea I spent more time than I usually used to but I should've spent MORE time. My mom took a
whole week off to spend it with me but I was stuck on my room with my new laptop just watching movies, or on facebook. My
excuse to her? "I was want to rest, I'm on vacation." Really? How stupid am I? I know for a damn fact 1 day, maybe 2, is all
I needed to rest from the stressful weeks of tech school. But I bullshited with her.. I'm really disappointed with my self.
The same with my sister, she was trying to communicate with me a lot, and I did talk to her. But I also pushed her away a lot.
And I should've gone to eagle pass to visit my other relatives. Really. I didn't do shit at home but watch movies until mom came home, ate, played xbox, and slept. I'm really ashamed of myself for wasting 2 VALUABLE weeks with my family. I promise to myself, to my family, that I will
NOT ever do that again. I did that for 18 years, and when I graduated basic I treated them they way there were supposed to be
treated. But now that I have a little bit for freedom I act like a dick because my sorry excuse to my mom was, "Mom we can talk
everyday when I'm at school." But it's not the talking that makes me happy, it's the fact that I'm feelin their presence and spening
time with them. My heart is in pain. I'm lonely now.. I never had a girlfriend because I'm just dumb and think the girl I like
at the moment is the "one" for me, when in reality I need to talk to girls and just be myself and not have dumb expectations. I mean I've talked to plenty of girls but never went to the next level, like going on dates because I was too chicken to ask..
I'm in a very tough time in my life. I want to get my life straighten out, I really would give anything right now to be home.
I miss my bed, talking to my parents/sister, and just being able to see my friends. I have 4 years in my contract and I really
hope I can get through this. Well I need to go to bed, I have formation at 9am tomorrow.. Even though I'll be thinking about
home all day tomorrow. Until next time..

P.S. I'm not the best speller, or story teller, I typed this so I can let my feelings out and wanted to keep this private.
But I just need to get this out. So please excuse the bad grammar.
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